Notes: Using Place to Make a Scene

Notes: Using Place to Make a Scene
After Chad’s death


Step 1: Emotions
Loss, disassociation, scattered, longing, reflective, regretful

Step 2: Circle one of these emotions to focus on for this exercise
not sure yet

Step 3: List moments of (of an hour or less) when you experienced that strong emotion.
Seeing the unfinished coke cans and empty boiled peanut shells from the day before when hands had been active, blood pumping, heart beating; cleaning bird cages, hamster homes, and litter pans as I faced the overwhelming task of putting on a brave face to attend to pet needs, pet shop customers, and the promise of a funeral

Step 4:

Step 5: Who was with you?
Alone with the animals – hundreds of fish, (a Disney-eyed puffer and deadly Lion fish)
A scruffy terrier who wouldn’t sell and was outgrowing his cage
Parakeets, amazon parrots, military macaw named Sarge, iguanas who sat by their hot rocks; Persian kittens

Step 6: What did you hear?
Squawking, screeching, whipping of wings, small growls, scroungy barks, mews, whipping of tails (lizards) against the glass tank, absence of radio?? hum of aquarium filters, scraping/dragging of the broom, clanging of bird cages cup holders, tiny claws digging/clawing, attemting escape from glass tank homes; store phone ringing, my voice answering the call: Thank you for calling Pet Pros, we open at 9; clanging of bell against the glass when entrance door was opened, crunching and opening of peanuts and sound of it dropping onto newspaper from store parrot, the sobs that finally came, like choking, the ringing in my ear from store parrot’s scream, my shriek back at him.
All sounds Chad would never hear again

Step 7: What was in the space? List objects.
Boiled peanuts shells, Coke cans, cigarette butts and ashtray, large saltwater aquarium behind cash register counter, bird cages, dog/cat cages, fish tanks, shelves stacked with dog and cat food bags, hanging leashes, myriad of pet products: flea and tick shampoos/dips, bird food, fish food, cuttle bones for beak sharpening, dog clothing, Frisbees, pet tug toys, rawhides, chew hooves, an office in the back housing a desk, chair, and computer for product ordering; “back room” housing refrigerator for pet food storage (freezer for pinkie mice, frozen creel); bird seed spills, dead fish jumped overboard, dumped food bowls, dog poop, cat poop, wormy poop



Step 8: What did you touch? What did you feel with your hands, with your body, with your skin?
Rubber gloves on hands for cleaning out cages, soft fur of the terrier that wouldn’t sell held close to my chin (I buried my face into the fur of the terrier that wouldn’t sell); scooped poop under generic-brand paper towels, kitty litter strainer, fish nets for “scooping deads”; warmth of the temp-controlled aquarium water, burned hand against light bulb, coldness of the air conditioner, sunburn from the previous day, eyes stung with tears, wet newspaper

Step 9: What did you taste? Possible to taste?
Salty tears, dry mouth from not eating since night before (I was incapable); the memory of sweet Cokes and boiled peanuts from day before;

Step 10: What did you smell? Possible to smell?
fresh cedar shavings, soiled litter pans/cedar shavings, stench of urine and feces, slightly sweet smell of birds, decomposing fish, frozen creel, fish food flakes, slicing of zucchini (iguana food), baby powder scent of my deodorant, “Orange Power” cleaning fluid, old sandwich leftovers in fridge, cedar shavings

Step 11: What did people say? Make a list of topics of conversation, or even lines you remember?
There was an accident
But he’s ok – he’ll still be into work, right?
I could eat these things all day, mmmmm, mmmm!
Please – stay here and do that. Don’t go to the barbeque.
Hello….WAHHHH….PET PROS…..WAHHHHH
Little conversation, only sounds of animals; stray phone call or two – customers with questions
We lost an employee yesterday

Step 12: Finally now you can write an outline of what happened.
7 am phone call – mother enters bedroom. There was an accident, Chad has died. Ride to work is blur – did I drive myself or someone drive me? No memory of it. Am due in to work to clean and prepare store for normal day’s opening; shocked and indignant they didn’t shut down business for the day;
am expected to work, there with no help, and yet am the most devastated of all seven employees at Chad’s death; face the task of preparing the store, the animals, to open alone carrying such anguish in my chest; I manage to meet my obligations and open the store and attempt business as usual, even though it is far from this for me.

Step 13: Analyze. What was the value to you of what happened? Were you a witness to something amazing? Did it change you in significant ways? Why does telling this story matter to you?
Began the day angry at expectation to report to work (couldn’t someone else do it?) but ended day realizing this was the most comforting place for me to cope and digest, and that if anyone else had come in and cleaned up the last remnants of Chad – the Coke cans and empty peanut shells and cigarette butts, I would have missed a moment that no one else could have appreciated.

Step 14: Analyze Audience. Why might this story matter to someone else? Why would someone want to read it? What does it offer?
Anyone who has faced loss. Significant because the reader can appreciate the suddenly overwhelming expectation of completing ordinary tasks contrasted against the stark reality that they will never again see someone they loved and valued and held as a fixture in their environment. It offers the perspective that instead of staying in bed grief-stricken and letting someone else go into work to do the job, it is better to face the pain, which in the process, reveals the last treasures of that person’s memory.